Deromanticising is necessary

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"Quantity isn't happiness"

We've all heard the saying that the neighbour's grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. As every person has a different interpretation and experience with this saying, I have mine. When I was younger, I used to see things in a certain way. Today I have another perspective. I have another perspective because I read things, I have been through different moments, I met and I heard people. I changed. Changes are good. They are essential for human relations within the society.

I have changed a lot and I change every day. When I stared at the grass of my neighbour – a colleague who drove her car to university – I could not help but wonder: wow, what a comfortable life! As the days passed in the classroom, this colleague became my friend. Talking to her one day she told me how much she loved the classes at the school where she taught and that this school was far from the university. So she used to drive fast after work to get there in time. During one of her travels, she got into a car accident and was unable to walk for some days. When I heard about what happened, I changed. I changed because I noticed that that comfortable life was romanticised only in my head. I did not envy her. I just romanticised the comfort. I romanticised without considering the affection she had towards her students and her course; without taking into consideration the fragility of the way she did to settle these things. I changed because I talked to her and she shared that affection with me. My neighbour’s grass was green and I did not take into account how much she cared for it to stay that way and how fragile it was. It could collapse at any moment.

In our lives, and at university, we admire other people’s grasses. The grass of a colleague’s boyfriend, or the one belonging to the parents of friends. We also admire the career of a friend, or certain acquisition of a teacher. In some cases, we are radical and even envious. These perspectives do exist as well. We try to balance our acquisitions, our experiences, our contacts with the other person’s same things. Their things tend to be extolled whereas ours are indifferent.

We need to deromanticise the teacher's grass. He or she had a long journey to be in that position and act the way he or she acts. There are experiences and wealth of knowledge far beyond the classroom. Achers have a family and stories like all of us. We need to deromanticise the grass of the university ascension and even the academic life. It is not always a matter of privilege. In many cases, it is the equivalent to killing a lion every day. It is intense while it can be dull. It is painful at the same time that it can be joyful. On either grasses, one can only know the value of the journey of these people by allowing them talk about their own routines and stories.

Deromanticising the neighbour’s grass is not only an act of looking at your own grass in a different way, but also an act of empathy. Empathy for standing in the other person's shoes. Empathy for being grateful for the things we have and will accomplish. Empathy for the opportunity to meet a person who allows us to reflect on things we romanticise in such an ephemeral way that leads us not to care about how fragile life was for those people. 

The author